Since the Columbine shooting in 1999, an estimated 390,000 students in the United States have been exposed to gun violence at school, a figure that includes students present during these incidents, regardless of whether they were physically harmed. Additionally, about 60 percent of children in the U.S. have been exposed to violence, crime, or abuse in their homes, schools, and communities over the past year. These figures, however, do not account for the indirect exposure many people face through family and community discussions or through media consumption, including traditional outlets such as newspapers, radio, and television, as well as online news sites and apps, social media platforms, podcasts, and news aggregation services.
What often goes unseen is the deeply personal impact of these experiences and the many ways children try to understand what happened to them or their peers while thinking about how to stay safe in the future. Across different environments, the idea of having a place to hide repeatedly emerges. In schools, active shooter and lockdown drills teach children to lock doors, turn off lights, hide, and stay quiet. These messages appear almost universal, carrying over into other contexts, such as hiding from ICE agents casing your community, preparing to defend yourself against a potential intruder at home, or trying to be invisible to an abusive parent or guardian who live at home.
Imagine the experience of a young child crouched on the floor of a classroom as gunshots echo through the hallway. Or a child hiding beneath a table, under a bed, or inside a closet at home, wrapped in a blanket, clutching a favorite toy, and relying on improvised means of protection. In moments like these, children may be overwhelmed by confusion, fear, and worry—just a few of the many emotions they can experience when directly exposed to traumatic events or when witnessing them through other means.
Supporting young people who have experienced trauma and/or learned about traumatic events in their community requires developmentally appropriate communication, empathetic and compassionate engagement, and intentional guidance to help them maintain emotional regulation and personal safety. Consider the following to provide a steppingstone to support children:
- Create a sense of safety and connection.
Help your child feel safe by being emotionally present and attentive. Listen without rushing to fix or minimize their feelings, offer physical comfort when appropriate (such as cuddling or sitting close), and engage in gentle, supportive conversations. Use language and explanations that match your child’s developmental level to help them make sense of what happened in a way that feels manageable. - Limit exposure to media and repeated information.
Continuous exposure to news, social media, or conversations about traumatic events can increase fear and confusion. Monitor what your child sees and hears, and limit repeated exposure to distressing content. When media exposure does occur, check in with your child to clarify misunderstandings and reassure them using simple, factual language. - Have ongoing conversations about safety and support.
Talk with your child about what safety means and who they can turn to for help. Identify “safe people” across different settings—such as at school, during extracurricular activities, in the neighborhood, and within the family. Reinforce it is always okay to ask for help and to speak up when something does not feel right. - Teach and practice calming and coping skills.
Support your child in learning simple strategies to manage strong emotions. Practice skills such as deep breathing, taking short breaks, asking for help, and engaging in activities they enjoy. Rehearsing these skills during calm moments can make them easier to use when your child feels overwhelmed. - Watch for delayed or subtle signs of stress.
Trauma responses do not always appear immediately. Changes in sleep, mood, behavior, school performance, or physical complaints may emerge weeks or even months later. Staying attuned to these shifts allows caregivers to respond early and provide additional support when needed. - Seek professional support when appropriate.
If your child continues to struggle, seems overwhelmed, or if you feel unsure how to support them or need your own therapeutic resource, reaching out to a mental health professional can be an important step. Therapy can offer children, teens, adults, and families a safe space to process their experiences and provide caregivers with guidance on how best to support healing.
In a world that often feels saturated with distressing events, maintaining strong, supportive connections with children is more important than ever. When caregivers remain emotionally present, listen with empathy, and respond in developmentally appropriate ways, children are reminded they are not facing frightening experiences alone. At the same time, prioritizing the creation of safer homes, neighborhoods, and schools helps reinforce a sense of stability and protection. While we cannot shield children from every hardship, we can strengthen the relationships and environments that foster resilience, healing, and hope—laying the foundation for children to feel supported, secure, and empowered as they move forward and come out of hiding.
Written by Leila J. Erlandson, MA, LMFT
Trovarti Counseling LLC 